Sniffles...

well not really...a little worse than that...after a beautiful weekend of being outside I think I have a cold - or there is always the thought that it is allergies. I mean, I never had them before, but people always say you develop them as you get older...not sure who those people are though. Anyway, since I don't know for sure I have been trying not to smother Aidan with kisses - this takes major willpower. I have never really had willpower. I have always been a diet failure too...I was just saying over dinner that on a particularly difficult day I am more than likely to binge eat. I tend to forget that my pants don't fit in favor of the awesome feeling of chowing down on sweets or chips or whatever I can get my hands on...
Right now though I just want to cuddle with my cutie...we just gave her a tubby and,as usual, she screamed when she came out and the whole time we were diapering, lotioning and dressing her. I am not sure if she gets cold, or she doesn't want to get out of the tub...she screams every time. Now she is completely content...sucked down 6 ounces, burped and is passed out on daddy's chest...I am jealous of my husband - he is watching some show about that new "Angels and Demons" movies and relaxing with our daughter...I am typing my blog (its been a while) and hoping the benadryl I took will kick in soon...that my right nostril will clear up, or that i fall asleep and not know how crappy I feel.
I don't want to get my baby girl sick, that's for sure.
...oh, I have some wonderful news!!! I am going to be an aunt for Christmas...yay. my sister in law just told us yesterday...I am so excited...I hope i don't annoy her too much with my advice and such...you know how us moms love to give out advice from our own experiences...I know i was overwhelmed with advice from mothers, but here I am doing the same thing...Congrats Bo and Patrick!

2358...

is the most awesome number in the whole world. You think I am crazy, I am sure, and are wondering what the hell I am doing in the cheering section of such an odd number...well, it was Aidan's neutrophil count today. Which is in the normal range, by the way, for the first time ever without the help of injectable medicine. I'll back up a bit and give the abridged version...
Aidan was born at 34 weeks due to a condition with the placenta called Vasa Previa. This means that her cord was entering the placenta from the side and it was splayed out so that the vessels in the cord were exposed. The cord crossed my cervix and she was head down very early, so there was a chance that if pressure was placed (from labor) on the cord, the vessels could bleed and Aidan would need to be taken right away. So, I was in the hospital waiting for her for 7 weeks on bed rest and having steroid shots so her lungs would be developed.
When she was born she was rushed to the NICU, but she breathed on her own right away, and she had NO PROBLEM eating either. So she moved up to what they called the "step up" room very quickly - on her way to going home with us after only 5 days. Then the Dr. approached us and told us that she had low white blood cell count. They figured it was because she was early and started monitoring her...but the count never went up and after a week they stated giving her medicine to help spur the production of the white blood cells. Nothing seemed to work and they finally sent her home with us with injectable medicine, strict rules, and two very scared parents. After a few weeks her numbers skyrocketed and she came off her meds, then they plummeted. We did a bone marrow aspiration to check for scary things...leukemia, cancer, autoimmune - no answers...everything came back fine. Since then we have been to another specialist and were finally allowed to get her vaccinations and put her into daycare. Her Dr's are stumped - she seems healthy, but the numbers are all over the place.
I know not to get excited, but her number today was so great...we go back in a month and I pray they stay high - we don't want to do another bone marrow aspiration. This roller coaster ride has been so much for our family...we want answers, but we want good ones...this could be a step in that direction. For today, at least, things are good...

Too many diapers...

well too many size 1's apparently...I am still getting a hang of this baby stuff. Since we are starting daycare shortly I decided to stock up on stuff at Target since I had coupons. I thought I was getting ahead of the game by buying the super-jumbo bag of Huggies size 1 not realizing that Aidan has to be somewhere in the 12 lb range. Well, size 1 goes up to 14 lbs...size 2 apparently starts at 12 lbs...so I now I have to go back to Target and exchange them. I have a million size 1/2's and size 2's from the gorgeous diaper cake my sister-in-law made for my shower. I will post a pic because this thing was huge and super cute...with onsies, bibs and bath toys all over it! She has patience I just don't have for those sorts of things. So I learned that I need to pay closer attention to the weight range on the diapers, because they seem to overlap and I would prefer them too big, than too small. I can't believe she is growing as fast as she is!

On a totally unrelated note...my husband is sitting next to me watching Back to the Future for the hundredth time. He loves his 80's movies. He just paused and rewound so that he could point out something he never saw before (the other hundred times he has watched it). There are some movies I know he'll watch no matter how many times he has seen them - Caddyshack, Hackers, and anything with Arnold in it...

My Movies I could watch over and over again:

1. Knocked Up
2. Clueless
3. Top Gun
4. Can't Buy Me Love
5. Goodfellas
6. ...anything with Adam Sandler in it...

those come to mind...there are more, but PG mind is taking over.

Tears, tears ,tears...

The saddest thing in the world is seeing tears roll down my baby's face and not knowing what to do about it. The tears started at about 1 month, before that she would cry, but nothing would come out. Now sometimes it is just the jutted out lower lip ("fat lip" as we refer to it) and then that could escalate into the tears. I try so hard to figure things out before the tears start...its like she is giving me a warning period to figure it out...diaper? bottle? gas bubble? overstimulated?...sometimes I wish she could just tell me what is wrong. But I totally don't want to rush her growing up. I just wish there was a way to know what they are crying for... I feel like a failure when she is crying. One day Oprah had this lady on who could supposedly tell what babies want by the sound of their cries. Like "gaaaaa" meant "I am hungry" and "waaaaa" meant "change me". I wish I had written down her name so I could find out more!

I have decided today that all diapers seem to be made equally...so we will use whatever is on sale or that I have a coupon for...that seems to be Huggies...where are all of the pampers coupons...and why doesn't Emfamil ever have coupons..formula is something I can't bring myself to cheap out on...

Poo...

today it was hard...and it was still stuck partially in my little girls tush...I had to pull it out...that is love...I would never do that for anyone else. When it is your baby though, you do it and you even think it is kind of funny and maybe a little cute. I mean, she looked so grateful. Now I have to google and find out why she is getting constipated and what to do about it. What did we do before there was google?

Transition

I honestly didn't think Aidan would really know what was going on today when I left her down the street with her grandmother while I went to work. I guess I thought she was just too young to really understand, I mean I know she knows mommy and daddy and all. I can't even explain that feeling when they look at you and smile...it melts your heart...but if you are a mother, then you know exactly what I am talking about. Anyway, we got her up and ready and I strollered her down the street to grandma's...and we have left her there for some time before when we had to run out for a couple hours so it's not completely new. She didn't fuss or anything...so I went to work...and I worked...I have five months of stuff to catch up on and it went so fast. I couldn't wait to get to go pick her up. When I got there she was in her stroller just drifting off. My mother in law said she hadn't slept much all day - totally not my little girl...she loves her naps. Then she told me she didn't eat much either compared to what she normally eats, and I knew that something must be up with her. She clung to me for the rest of the night, wouldn't let me put her down...looked at me intently and babbled...
She missed me...the saddest and happiest I could ever be. It makes me want to quit my job and stay home forever...I don't want her to have to miss me ever again...but I have to do it again tomorrow. I didn't realize this would be such a hard transition for me either...

My husbands brush with reality...

oh happy day...that is all I can say after I went to work for the first time in five months and left my husband home with Aidan for the day. Let me just give a little background about how my man is...so he picks me up at the hospital the day I am being released to come home. Now keep in mind I have been on hospital bed rest with limited mobility for seven weeks, during that time I gained an estimated twenty pounds (on my 5 ft frame). I guess what I am trying to say is that on top of the normal recovery from a C section I had to deal with additional issues. It was especially hard on me emotionally since I had to leave my baby in the NICU. Anyway, thank god my parents were waiting at home to help me for the next two weeks while I recovered because John just had no clue. The next day when he got home from work he actually asked me if I had clipped the dogs toenails??!! He was asking me if I wrestled an eighty pound Am Staff to the ground and clipped his toenails...5 days after having major surgery...sigh. So, about two weeks go by and I still can't really see my incision site very well, and to tell you the truth I didn't really want to look too much - I get really dizzy when I see any kind of large cuts or wounds...so I made John look at it for me. He was in shock..."wow I thought it would be like a little 3 inch cut" he said..."really????" he was there, I mean, how did he think they would get a five pound baby out of a three inch hole!!?? sheeshhh...only then did he finally understand that a C section is MAJOR SURGERY and why I wasn't doing manual labor. (Even though he was there listening to my discharge instructions).
Fast forward to yesterday...I get home from work and here is what transpired:

Me: "I thought you would have started dinner"
John: "Me too, but she just got up and I had to change her and make her bottle"
Me: "Oh, OK...well what do you want me to make?"
John: "Well, I am not really hungry...I just got a chance to eat...she has been so fussy today. I am so glad she is going into daycare so someone else can deal with her all day when she is like this".
Me: " What's wrong I thought you were going to give her a bath, go to your moms for lunch, do some stuff around the house...what happened??"
John: "She was fussing all day and I couldn't get anything done!!"
Me: "Hah!!! Now you know...I have been doing what you did today for 3 months straight now..."

I have now gotten my point across to him...and it only took ONE DAY for him alone with Aidan.

Happy Mother's Day!

My first Mother's Day ever...just knowing that Aidan is here with us safe and sound was the best present ever...I didn't really expect any big deal to be made out of it (even though I definitely deserve it!) because my husband is just not a holiday/celebration type person. As much as that sucks sometimes that fact of the matter is that I married him and when I did that I knew he wasn't the romantic type. So when people kept asking what he was doing for me to celebrate and he said nothing I wasn't as shocked as they were...and we really have no money for anything anyway. I won't lie and say I don't always hope he'll surprise me, because sometimes he does. Well today was no different - after telling him that all I wanted was ice cream from our favorite place down the road he surprised me with a cute singing card and the ring that we designed with Aidan's birthstone in it...we were still paying it off. I am so excited that I get to wear it tomorrow when I go back to work for the first time in 5 months. This will be my first extended period away from my little girl and i am worried I won't get much work done.
So my husband wanted me to make sure I mentioned that when he put Aidan down yesterday afternoon he put her on he belly and a minute later he went back because she was fussing and she was on her back. He is such a proud father that his little 3 month old girl rolled over already, but I think it was some sort of weird fluke or something. She can barely hold her head up on her own and she despises tummy time...I am still in search of ways to get her to want to do tummy time...otherwise she will never build the muscles in her neck and as my husband says she will be a "bobble-head" forever!

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE TODAY
1. Seeing my daughter smile at me (of course)
2. Hugs from my niece and nephew
3. A card from my husband (because it sang to me and because he never gets me cards)
4. My little dog that is snoring next to me and my big dog that is using a pillow like a human
5. Ice cream with sprinkles...
6. Looking at pictures from that day Aidan was born

I am convinced...

that Aidan only likes to poop when we are out in public. I think she gets some sort of enjoyment in watching mommy try to find a place to change her and battle the "poo-splosions" that she creates. I need the largest diaper bag just to prepare myself for what is to come. I registered for a huge one and am shocked at how much stuff I fit in there. I just keep adding stuff and it has been getting heavier and heavier. Oh, and of course my husband doesn't mind throwing his wallet in there when we all go out! So yesterday I am running errands and get to the eye Dr. to pick up my husband's contacts and I see the telltale sign. Well, I guess I should say she gave me a warning first with what we call some "motorboat toots". Then I see her face start to get red and she looks like she is pushing something out. (Not that I can imagine you need to push that hard to get out what typically comes out of my girls tush). So I left to meet my girlfriends for lunch knowing that I must check her diaper when I get there...sure enough...my girlfriend found us in the tailgate of my SUV with all the supplies lined up...it took like 8-10 wipes. Thank god for the breeze which whisked away the smell of it...I hope no one was downwind. She just always waits til we got out...

Oh, and by the way, it is a myth that only boys can pee on you when you are changing them...my little daughter has quite the arc going on...she likes to wait until a 3 AM changing when she knows you are still half asleep. She aims, then fires...then follows it up with a cute little giggle...

Daycare

Ugh...I am tired I have been to 5 different daycare facilities in the past week. I am looking for the perfect place to send my daughter in a few weeks when I go back to work full time. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make and my husband has really not been that helpful yet (not a surprise). As with most of the baby products that I spent hours researching for her registry there is usually a bad review at some point. I thought I would like the smaller setting daycares better, but yesterday I went to one and the staff was very nice, but then the owner said that I should know that she was a good mother..."especially since she would be raising my little girl...". Ummm, I did not like hearing that...I don't want someone else to raise my child...this breaks my heart. I don't want to miss out on her first time rolling over,crawling, walking, talking...it is so hard.
Then I went to a super huge franchise-style center that boasted about being a learning center NOT a daycare...but all of the learning seemed to cost extra and there were too many children there. They seemed like cattle to me.
Cleanliness is the most important thing for us, with Aidan having issues with her white blood cell count and all, a couple of the local places I didn't even go into after taking a look at the upkeep of the outdoor areas. Yes, it is just only spring now, but you still need to have some curb appeal. I am picturing my baby sitting amongst garbage and overgrown grass and weeds...no thanks.
One place I went to showed me how they did activities with the children...but it really looked like the kids did all of the landscaping and cleaning up of the facilities...I mean, chores are a good concept, but I am not paying to send my daughter to work camp.
There is one place that I think I like...franchise-style...medium sized...clean...they will teach her sign langauge and music and I can watch her on my computer from work...we'll see what the husband thinks. They are all about the same - EXPENSIVE!!

to be continued...

3 months or twelve weeks?

Someone please help me out with this stupid thing that is driving me nuts. Tomorrow Aidan will be 12 weeks old...it will be twelve weeks exactly from the day she came into this world. So that makes her 3 months old in my book. Twelve weeks divided by four weeks in a month (on average) equals 3 months. So why do people keep telling me that she should celebrate her month-iversary on the numerical day she was born. In her case she was born on February 11th...so according to these various individuals she doesn't turn three months until Monday, May 11th...a matter of days, I know...but for some reason it bothers me that they think my calculations are wrong. Also, when do we switch over to months when people ask how old she is?? I mean I tell people she is 3 months now, but have been told to say 11 weeks, 12 weeks, etc. What is the rule on this? It is hard enough that when I tell people how old she is they look at me funny because she is so tiny and then I have to go into the fact that she was 6 weeks early...from there I am usually told that "wow, well she was quite big for being that early" which then leads to me saying that I had steroid shots in the hospital which probably helped with her development. Here I go again ...rambling...I'll talk about that hospital stay in another post.

Anyway...calling all moms...please explain this whole month/week/age thing to me...because I just don't get it...and then you can explain clothing sizes to me somewhere down the line...I mean, what is the difference between size 2 and size 2T...!!??

Hemangioma

What is that...? I am sure many of you are saying...well it was the diagnosis my ped gave Aidan yesterday when I showed him the bruise-like mark on the back of her neck that has been there for a month now. At first he told me it was a tumor and I almost fainted, I mean we have already been through the ringer with her health-wise (a topic saved for a future post). I think sometimes doctors like to scare the poo out of you by using scary words...wait a couple seconds while you start to freak and then follow it up with words like "very common", "benign" and "not threatening". However, just to be clear he did say we would watch it over time as it could get bigger. Just so you can educate yourself on this topic here is the link to the wikipedia page on this topic: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemangioma

Aidan's is considered a deep hemangioma...it appears bruise-like and slightly hard to the touch, but not raised. I did extensive googling (what every parent would do, of course) and found some severe cases which were very hard to look at...I never knew anything like this existed and just wanted to share this with everyone. She likely will never have treatment as long as it it doesn't bother her...

Aidan is fussing in her swing - which she tolerates for almost 15 minutes now...so I will be back later with a more fun topic I hope!

Mederma and my first list...

So when my husband finally got home and settled in I took the opportunity to take a nice relaxing shower (you know...one where I wasn't constantly listening for the sound of crying over the baby monitor and skipping over the shaving thing to get out of there ASAP). Anyway, I remembered that my mother in law brought over a tube of Mederma for my C-section scar last night and I decided to give it a whirl. Apparently, if I apply it 3-4 times daily, then my scar will be noticeably lighter within 8 weeks. So I made my first application of the Mederma and rushed right downstairs so my husband could take the "before" picture. I hope you are not disappointed, but I won't be posting that pic tonight. I plan to post it at the very end of the 8 weeks so we can make the comparison. But don't you worry...I'll make sure to post periodic updates on the progress I am (or am not) making. If it works I might consider endorsing them on my blog and contact them for advertising opportunities....kidding...(kinda).

THINGS I THOUGHT I'D NEVER DO AS A MOM

1. Go to Happy Hour in an SUV with a "Baby on Board" sign in the back window and giraffe stickers on the windows.
2. Save strange things...for example - I saved the band-aids that were put on Aidan's legs after her first vaccinations today.
3. An offshoot of the above...I take pictures of everything she does for the first time...the normal ones (first car ride home, first bath...) but then I get a little out of control (first trip to a restaurant, first hair bow, first birthday party attended, and every first time she wears an outfit).
4. Cut my hair short after I gave birth (not a "mom" haircut though...I mean I don't look like my mom anyway...)
5. Will do anything and humiliate myself in any way possible just to get a smile out of my child.

...to be continued.

Vaccinations

Something I learned today...when your baby gets his/her vaccinations they may become extremely sleepy. I was totally prepared for a cranky little girl this afternoon. The Dr. said the TDaP vaccine is much like the one given to adults...and if you remember it makes the area of the injection quite sore. Well, anyhow...my baby just got up to eat a quick bottle and went right back to sleep. Although I have heard the day after may be when they actually start feeling the soreness....stay tuned!!!
So here I am with not much to do other than tune into Ellen (which I may have to DVR next week when I go back to work three days a week). Ellen just cracks me up. She asks the questions that we are all thinking about but would never really ask.
On a totally different note (if you chose the post because you wanted to read about vaccinations I apologize) it is really rainy today and my dogs are like little children that are stuck inside. They are moping by the windows staring outside and whining - of course when I go to let them out they don't want to get wet. They would rather stay inside and bark at the strange people who are actually running/walking on the path behind our house. That is a totally different subject for another day...people who exercise in bad weather...I mean, come on...rain is the perfect excuse to plant your butt on the couch and do nothing!!!

Just for fun I googled "crazy people exercise in the rain" and found all sorts of things, but mostly blogs from people who actually enjoy doing it...I found top ten lists about this and everything...the web is an addicting place...

Anyway...I am rambling...I probably will post again tonight since I am sure something good will happen at some point when my husband gets home...

Intro...

Well...as usual I was getting ready to write my first entry of the blog and Miss Aidan decided that we have other plans...so hold on...it's her world...I try to work with her right here, but I am still figuring out the multi-tasking thing...I am new at this mom thing...

...OK, we're back for now...oh wait...here comes a fuss...she won't just lay quietly next to me like she will for my husband while he plays video games...

Alright it is now almost a half hour later and I am ready to start this entry for real. She is in her Pack n Play (the world's greatest invention, but we will cover that in a future post). I wanted to introduce myself and explain why I decided to start this blog. I am a 34 year old first time mom with a new almost 3 month old daughter. My husband is 33 years old and we live in the small town that he grew up in...oh, and let me just mention that my in-laws live only a few houses down the street from us (a la "Everybody Loves Raymond"). Except in my case it is not that bad...especially now that we have a baby...oh, and don't let me forget our two dogs...they are our babies too, but they definitely make things a little harder right now. I guess you'll get to know us better the more I post...and the more you read.

My husband has been bugging me to start a "mommy blog" ever since he saw on the news that some women are making a lot of money blogging about life as a mom. He said "well you like to be on the computer on your message boards talking about babies all the time so why don't you make some money doing it". Well, let me tell you I don't expect to make any money doing this, but he is right...I mean, I love talking about my little girl, my pregnancy, and my life as a mom. I love sharing my experiences and any advice that I think could help other mother's or mothers to be...I just found out a close friend of ours is expecting and I was so excited to ask her questions and share my advice (ummm...even if she didn't really ask for it). I started thinking about making a list of advice and such for her, and that is when I thought I would just put it all in this blog.

I am going to go grab something to eat right now...since she is sleeping, and enjoy some really bad TV (Daisy of Love, The Couger, and anything I can find on BRAVO). I will post at the end of the day when I can share my ENTIRE day with everyone.